For some people, an orgasm during penetrative sex is as rare as a winning goal at a Blackburn Rovers football match. I’m not talking about foreplay or the stimulation after sex, I’m talking about penetrative sex, which is a time when you really want to orgasm with your partner. According to research, only 20% of women orgasm during penetrative sex, so you aren’t alone.

There are so many reasons why females struggle to orgasm during sex and to be honest, I blame the media. We have become so accustomed to women climaxing at the drop of a hat on television, in books and in porn that we forget that an orgasm is something that needs to be achieved.

After all, good things come to those who work for them…

Going back to basics helps you to orgasm during sex

If you can’t orgasm with your partner, it’s time to talk. Discuss the issue and look at ways to resolve it. Focus on constructive ways to boost arousal and stimulate the clitoris. Try going back to basics and concentrating on what feels good at the time, rather than aiming for orgasm. By getting to know your bodies again, you’ll have a better understanding about the ways to achieve orgasm during penetrative sex.

Sometimes, the issue may be psychological. Again, this is quite common and can affect women as they get older or those who have suffered a traumatic sexual experience. Getting help with sexual dysfunction is really easy and can help you to achieve the happy and fulfilling sex life that you deserve. For more information about getting help with sexual dysfunction, contact your GP or get in touch with the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists to find an accredited therapist.

I have a clitoris, and I’m not afraid to use it!

For women, the key to a great orgasm alone or with a partner is clitoral stimulation – and lots of it. During sex, try not to forget about the clitoris or other erogenous zones. Whether you incorporate a sex toy into penetrative sex to help stimulate the clitoris, or you use your fingers. A little bit of clitoral stimulation goes a long way when seeking an elusive orgasm.

Spend more time on foreplay to help you orgasm during sex

The most powerful tool in the quest for sexual satisfaction is the mind. Once you get the mind warmed up, the body quickly follows. Set the scene for uninterrupted pleasure and take the time to relax and enjoy your partner. Instead of rushing, spend more time on the gentler pleasures and work up to firmer stimulation. The extra time on foreplay is really important for helping a woman orgasm during sex. After all, it’s all about having fun isn’t it? What’s the rush.

Stop relying on your partner – take charge

Sometimes it helps to show your partner how to pleasure you during sex. Using your hands or a sex toy, bring yourself to orgasm as they watch. Not only will you partner find it super-hot, it shows them exactly how you like to be pleasured.

During penetrative sex, reach down and play with your clitoris. With your partner stimulating your G Spot and the added clitoral stimulation, you’ll enjoy a mind blowing orgasm.

Find a position that works for you both

Whilst changing position too much during sex can hinder orgasm. It does help to move into a more stimulating position if the one you’re using just isn’t working for you. Some great positions for clitoral stimulation are:

Doggy Style – It’s very easy to reach the clit for you, or your partner.

Girl on Top –  As you gyrate, rub yourself against him to stimulate the clitoris.

Missionary Position – An old favourite. Achieve a deeper penetration by pulling his bum closer to you and pressing his pelvic area against your clitoris.

Sex toys can help you to orgasm during sex

Another great way to orgasm during sex, is to give yourself a helping hand using your favourite sex toy. Whether you choose to hold a vibrator against the clitoris during penetrative sex, or you try a couple’s cock ring. Sex toys are perfect for easy stimulation during sex.

Men in particular, experience a lot of anxiety about their bedroom performance which can lead to a lack of confidence during sex and impact upon an otherwise healthy, happy sex life. With this in mind, I wanted to explain about a tried and tested edging techniques for men that anyone can practice to help them gain better control over their orgasm and improve stamina during sex. This technique is also called the ‘start and stop method’.

What is edging?

Edging is a technique in which a person stops themselves from reaching climax just before they reach the highest peak of pleasure. This technique has been a trusted technique for assisting people who are struggling with premature ejaculation. In short, this involves stopping stimulation before you orgasm, waiting for a few seconds and starting again. Continue, stopping and starting until you feel ready to orgasm. This technique is effective for both men and women.

The benefits of edging?

Experimenting with new bedroom techniques, positions and sensations is essential for continuing to develop a healthy and varied sex life. Even during masturbation, exploring new sexual ventures is the perfect way to keep things fresh and exciting. Edging techniques help you to listen to your body and experiment with different ways to help intensify orgasm and improve bedroom stamina.

For example:

Improved physical arousal

There are four different stages to arousal – Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm and Resolution. Exploring the four stages of arousal will help you understand more about the first two stages of arousal, so they last longer and can extend your sexual pleasure.

Improved confidence in the bedroom

As you begin to master the edging technique, you will begin to feel more in control of your own body. For those using edging techniques with a partner, the ability to last longer can help to satisfy the most insatiable partner, whilst holding back also enables couples to orgasm together. This helps to increase intimacy and can create a more fulfilling experience.

Learning to control ejaculation

Some men or women can orgasm prematurely, which may leave them feeling unfulfilled or embarrassed. As many as 1 in 5 men will experience premature ejaculation at some point within their lifetimes, which can damage confidence in the bedroom and impact on personal relationships. Developing edging techniques are a natural way to last longer during sex without seeking professional help.

Edging is great for teasing

Lots of people enjoy watching their partner orgasm. Practising orgasm delaying techniques can help to spice things up in the bedroom and keep your lover guessing.

How to practise the edging technique?

Because you need to focus on your own physical sensations, I advise practising edging during masturbation so you can concentrate on the task in hand. This means that you will need allocate some time when you know that you won’t be disturbed.

1. Start by setting the scene and use your normal methods to arouse yourself.
2. Begin masturbation. But instead of using a firm grip, be gentler so that you can build up to a climax slowly whilst focusing on recognising when you’re about to come.
3. As soon as you feel that you are about to climax, stop what you are doing and take a short break until the urge to orgasm has gone. For those who are just beginning to practise this technique, it is better to pause too early than too late. You can always explore boundaries later when your experience grows.
4. Begin masturbation again and repeat the process. Do this several times until you are ready to climax. Once you have orgasmed, make a mental note of the way that it made you feel. Was orgasm longer or more enjoyable?

Edging is a personal experience and the length of time that you choose to practice this technique will differ from person to person. Do what feels good and make the most of the experience. If you accidentally go too far and orgasm before you wanted to, try not to worry and put it down to experience. It certainly isn’t the worst accident to have!

How to use male sex toys for edging

There are lots of sex toys for men that can really help to improve edging. Stokers, Blow job Machines and Sex Dolls are all effective methods of stimulation that enable the user to masturbate, and reduce stimulation when necessary. Lots of vibrating sex toys offer multi-speed vibration which can be reduced in intensity when you feel yourself reaching the peak, whilst handheld sex toys enable the user to control the firmness of pressure and the speed of stroke.

It is important to remember that in order to get the best results with male sex toy, always use lots of lubricant and clean the product properly after each use to remove any build up of bacteria.

Risks of edging

Whilst there are no actual risks to practising the edging technique. Some beginners have reported that they have experienced a ‘disappearing orgasm’ or a ‘half orgasm’. These can feel unfulfilling and like you have ‘missed’ the climax. If this is the case, it may be that you are stopping too early. With some patience and a little more practice, you will master the technique.